As the summer comes to an end and your child is preparing for a new school year, you may be wondering how you can set your child up for success this year. Success is something every child should strive for, but teachers and professionals are seeing the increasing need for children to learn how to cope with failure properly. Failure is inevitable on the path to success; however, parents can instill the importance and benefits of failure to their children. 

Experiencing failure is an excellent opportunity to build coping skills, emotional resilience, creative thinking, and the ability to collaborate. Resiliency is one of the most important skills that can only be learned experientially, not intellectually. Teaching children to deal with failure productively at an earlier age will propel them to succeed throughout the rest of their lives. 

Failure: A chance to learn

First and foremost, it is important that your child views failure as a learning experience instead of a painful, negative experience. Failure is often viewed as the opposite of success, but it’s actually a necessary step in achieving success. When a child can successfully tackle their setbacks head on, they’ll be better able to deal with failures in the future. How you handle failures with your child at an early age can set the tone for the rest of their lives. Here are several ways to help your child work through their failures in a positive manner:

Focus on a Growth Mindset

Research conducted at Stanford University indicates that there are two different types of mindsets: growth and fixed. A growth mindset allows a child to realize that their intelligence and abilities can always be improved no matter the obstacles they face — this helps them view a failure as an opportunity to grow. Alternatively, a fixed mindset is when a child believes failure is a mistake and their intelligence and abilities cannot improve. When a child is quick to quit, gives up, or concludes they are “just not good enough”,  these may be indications that your child has a fixed mindset. 

Encourage the Problem-Solving Approach

No parent wants to see their child fail at anything, but this is a chance for parents to teach and guide their children to develop problem-solving skills. When presented with failure, if a child realizes they have the option to try different solutions as a path to success, they’ll be less likely to fail in the same or similar situations in the future. 

Some helpful phrases to use to encourage a problem-solving approach:

• “What have you learned from this situation?” 

• “If you could go back and do this again, what would you do differently?”

Lastly, if your child is struggling to come to a new solution be sure to help guide them so they don’t feel alone. Always make sure your child knows they are not alone in their struggles, that everyone fails, and that they are loved. Most importantly, instil in your child that it’s not the failure that matters, but the way they choose to recover from failures that matters.

Embrace and Celebrate Failure

After failure has occurred in a child’s life, one of the most effective ways to respond is to embrace and celebrate failure. Embracing and celebrating a failure will guide the child to think positively about failures. Children will start to appreciate and value the benefits of failing, instead of fearing the possibility of it. 

Here are ways to embrace and celebrate failure with your child

• Give your child the opportunity to admit their mistakes and talk about what they learned from it.
• Become a role model in dealing with failure by sharing your experiences of failure throughout your life with your child. Seeing a trusted adult openly discuss failures will make failure seem normal and natural to a child.
• Read success stories from successful people that your child shows interest in and discuss this person’s failures on their path to success.

Interested in a flexible and customized approach to learning to ensure your child can succeed at their own pace? eLearning offers Homeschooling, an Accredited Virtual School, and Onsite School to meet every child’s unique needs.

Setting goals on a “Goal Chart” is a great way to encourage growth and development in your child. When goals are set, failures will naturally occur — this presents an opportunity for children to learn to overcome their failures. By charting goals, children will be more motivated to work through their failures to meet their set goals, instead of giving up. 

1. In the outermost grey ring, choose categories with your child that they’d like to see improvement or better consistency in. These goals can be set for the week, the month, etc. Consider categories like: physical activity, health, learning, school, family, or friendship.
2. Below each segment, set specific goals with your child. For example, in the “physical activity” section, your child’s goal may be to aim for 30 minutes of physical activity four different times by the end of the week.
3. Encourage your child to make the chart their own by decorating the page.
4. As your child reaches a goal, have them color in each section.* 
5. At the end of the goal period, reevaluate the chart with your child. For the goals your child has met, discuss what went well, and ask if they had any issues along the way — if so, how did they overcome any issues that arose? For goals your child was unable to meet, prompt discussion about what they could have done differently to achieve their goal — be sure to offer assistance, but still allow the child to solve the problems on their own.

*Tip – consider dividing each “pie slice” into segments so your child can color in as they complete steps on their way to achieving an overall goal.